he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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