my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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