Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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