Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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