My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
