so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.