It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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