you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
