your parents love me but you hate me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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