you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His nipple licking is glorious
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