so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress