I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
