Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
