You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
