hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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