I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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