I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
