I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
