Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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