i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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