I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
