So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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