no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
