Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My breasts were aching with rage.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
