when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
