i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
