my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
