I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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