My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
