I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
