I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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