thus making me awesome and them whores
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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