i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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