He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
