2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I came so hard my ears popped.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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