I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
