I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
