Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize