i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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