I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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