If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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