apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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