His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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