I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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