my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
