God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
