Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
