I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
