i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
