I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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