My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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