margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
