i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
