I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
