This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
