Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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