How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
