I have demons in me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
