im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
