dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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