Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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