I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
