toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
