matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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