The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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