OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
