I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
