if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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