R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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