Will you blow on my dice?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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