New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
