I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
