I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
