how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
