I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
