if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
