I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
