Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
