I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
