We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
