her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
