when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
